Localization Volunteer work

[Vandalheart]

I’ve read through the English Pimaxvr website and the kickstarter and the language used is largely muddled or poorly formatted. I will be posting any grammatical errors or formatting issues I find and I encourage anyone who is bilingual to offer their services to Pimax if they have the time as the website is currently only available in chinese and english.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to put this actually but move it if it isn’t I suppose.
I will put all of these kickstarter edits together into one post when I am done and have time.

I put all these edits to the kickstarter page in one continuous post here

@PIMAX-Support @PimaxVR @deletedpimaxrep1

[Vandalheart]

VR in*0 Your Eyes, Not Through Binoculars

Pimax 8K is a new*1 virtual reality device designed for VR futurists. Our goal is to create an intuitive VR*2 without the shade of the headset*3, and sharp enough*4 that you won’t be disturbed by pixels.

We doubled FOV to 200 degrees, with an increased resolution to 23840x21605. *Meanwhile, we have eliminated motion sickness, which often associated with longer exposure to a virtual environment.6

Pimax 8K VR has been built to support the mainstream content currently available in the market, including Steam VR, while offering the largest field-of-view (FOV) of 200° and the highest resolution (23840x2160) **on7** any VR headset in the market with less than 15ms latency.

0. In your eyes should probably be “through your eyes” as it sort of means inside your eyes in this context.
1. You should avoid simple descriptors like new, consider cutting edge, groundbreaking, futuristic. It’s the first line, it should be powerful.
2. VR what? VR experience? VR headset? I think VR experience is what is meant, not just VR.
3. I have no idea what the shade of the headset means.
4. sharp enough again is not a powerful descriptor and it invites adequacy into it’s image. It’s your opening statement and should be provoking. Try “so sharp that you won’t be disturbed by pixels.”
5. Should be “We have doubled the FOV to 200 degrees and increased the resolution to whatever.” might consider citing the older resolutions to give a frame of reference.
6. We have also eliminated motion sickness (you should say how) which is often associated with longer exposure to a virtual environment.
7. If you want to say on you have to say available on or present on. Of should be used instead of on if you do not want to clarify, but you should.

Some more edits, Third paragraph. You should define FOV the first time it appears and not the second time. You shouldn’t use acronyms prior to defining them. You also don’t have to say the mainstream content you can just say mainstream content.

I can do more but I should get back to work.

[Vandalheart]

In this Photograph.

first
The Highest Resolution VR Headset Ever Created(or in the world) may want to clarify commercial vr headset
Additionally, if you want to avoid larger words in these buzz pictures you can say 8k resolution in the picture and then just say The Sharpest VR Experience, Ever.

second
again if you want to avoid multi-syllabic words to simplify and solidify these quick images you can just say, “See More of your virtual world” or some cheesy crap. Or mention immersion if you don’t care. Feel free to use is not very persuasive or descriptive. Try, Increased Peripheral vision for total immersion

third
here you are trying to say too much, gotta simplify again. Especially on this topic because it’s something a lot of people are getting hung up on. Try "Less Latency and More Frames for a smooth and comfortable experience,

fourth
again you’ve said too little with too much just say, “Compatible with PiHome, Steam VR and Oculus Home.” if you have to say via a third party tool, say it but if you don’t, don’t.

Overall for this picture you should adjust the format of the text so that you aren’t hyphenating words. It distracts the eye and interrupts reading ease.

“Hands on reviews by medias and backers.”
Media is the plural of medium and should not be pluralized except in a few specific cases. Here you should say the media or just use a different more descriptive word. like experts!

[Vandalheart]

Unrivaled visuals does not fit the format of the rest of the kickstarter.

Pimax was first to market with a*0 4K VR headset, and that was just the beginning. We’ve refined elements from our 4K model, including01 ghosting and brightness, and now we’re the first to bring you VR in 8K, with these issues resolved*2. *Say goodbye to screen door effect, as we’re the ones putting “reality” into virtual reality.3

Pimax 8K offers 200° Field of Vision (FOV), which is far closer to matching the natural human FOV of 220°*4. *Users can simply use their peripheral vision instead of constantly moving their head, making for a more intuitive experience.5

*In addition,6 we’ve addressed and reduced one of the key visual shortcomings of VR technology. Known as the “screen door effect*7”, *this is the phenomenon where the eye can detect the fine line between pixels in an image - something which, in VR can hinder immersion and the experience as a whole.8

With 8K VR (3840x2160 per eye) you can dive into a world of clarity, while the graininess and “screen door” will never disturb you again, thanks to our awesome 2*3840x2160 resolution.*9

0. Pimax was the first to market. I think it’s best to reword this for clarity and message to Pimax introduced the first 4K VR headset to the market. “and that was just the beginning” should be dropped, it’s trite, it is redundant and it’s cliche. It is distracting without offering anything. Instead consider giving a time frame, such as “only however many months ago” this will connect your next sentence seamlessly while offering more information.

1.2.3. This whole sentence is out of order and includes that same ordeal I was speaking about above. A terrible buzz phrase that offers very little and serves only to detract from your message. Try this on instead. “(Since then/ if you took
my advice from 0)We’ve utilized public feedback to identify and refine elements from our 4K model to eliminate ghosting and brightness issues and redefine High Quality Virtual Reality with the first 8K VR headset.” Again, avoid sentences like say goodbye to screen door effect. You shouldn’t have to tell them to think that way, what you say should make them think they thought of it on their own. It has a more real and lasting impact.

4.5. Here is where you should just be using FOV because you already defined it the first time you used it. Closer than what? Saying simply hints at condescension and even if it isn’t at all, it’s best to avoid it because it has negative associations. making for is wordy and unclear, say creating. So it should read more like this. “Pimax 8k offers 200 fov, which is closer to the natural human fov of 220 than any other headset on the market. Users can utilize their peripheral vision to navigate virtual reality(instead of having to move their head), creating a more intuitive experience and drastically increasing immersion.” The (x) can be removed but it’s optional.

6.7.8. You don’t have to say in addition and it actually ruins your sentence structure. Just say “We’ve addressed one of the key visual shortcomings of VR technology, the “screen door effect”. This is the phenomenon where users can see the fine lines between pixels, hindering their immersion and experience in a VR environment.”

9.With 8K VR (3840x2160 per eye) you can dive into a world of clarity, while the graininess and “screen door” will never disturb you again, thanks to our awesome 2*3840x2160 resolution. This sentence is redundant, you should also avoid the word awesome as a descriptor as it’s not popular or professional to some people. I wouldn’t say dive when you could double dip and say immerse. This is a highly stylistic sentence so other than that advice it’s hard to rewrite. Personally I Would say it like this. Pimax 8K will enable you to completely immerse yourself with perfect clarity, not through binoculars or through a screen door but through your own two eyes and two 3840x2160 resolution displays. Again that’s a style issue but as long as you follow that little bit of advice it will read better.

[Vandalheart]

• For input signals that less*0 than 8K, e.g. 4K, 5K, Pimax 8K will upscale the signals to 8K resolution with a special*1 video processing module in the headset.

A lighter*2 option

It’s always good to have options, so*3 we are also offering a special 5K edition *for Kickstarter.4 *Pimax 5K has all of the same features as Pimax 8K, apart from a difference in resolution and, of course, price…5 *The resolution of 5K(22560x1440) is less than 8K(23840x2160), which still places it above many of the current headsets on the market.6 *A 5K resolution is good enough to eliminate screen door, and if you are not as deeply concerned about pixels.7

*Brainwarp:8 *render and display image in a sequence. i.e. For each time, only one eye can see a 4K image. Pimax 8K renders a single 4K image at 150/180 times per second, but users perceive a complete 8K at 150/180 Hz with high frame rate.9

*Brainwarp boosts refresh rate, reduces latency and decreases GPU pressure for Pimax 8K.10

0. For input singles that are less than 8k no need to say eg or include those sources. If you have to, make them parenthetical, (like this)
1. again avoid simple descriptors, just take it out or step it up. Like with a specially designed or with an integrated.
2. did you mean to say brighter? because lighter implies weight. if it’s meant to be a double/triple entendre that’s cool but then you have to say in the paragraph that it will be brighter, cost less and weigh less.
3. It’s always good to have options is conversational and too informal. It should be dropped completely or reworded.such as, As an alternative to the 8K edition…
4. Is it exclusive to kickstarter? if so you should say so.
5. This sentence should be rewritten, avoid “of course” as it sounds like condescension. Try, “Pimax 5K will have the same features as the Pimax 8K at a lower resolution and price.” also if it’s going to be oled you should probably say that. also if it will be brighter you should say that. or if it weights less.
   6,You don’t have to tell them 5k is less than 8k, that is a little too obvious even for marketing. Just say, The Pimax 5K’s resolution of 2*2560x1440 places it above most current headsets on the market. You should compare it to the the vive and oculus here.
6. is good enough to should be removed, just say A 5K resolution eliminates the screen door effect but does not offer as many pixels as the 8K model. You shouldn’t end on this note, if it’s a full alternative you will be selling after kickstarter go into more depth. and if you are not as deeply concerned about pixels is grammatically incorrect.
7. Brainwarp should probably be formatted like a “A lighter option”
8. This should be rewritten for grammar and clarity. Put a lot of time here as it’s a selling point that a lot of people will want to understand and is murky at best. Here is my attempt but I suggest you put more effort into it. “Brainwarp renders and displays images in a sequence. At any time, only one eye is being displayed a 4K image. Pimax 8K renders a single 4k image at 150/180 times per second but users perceive a complete 8k image at 150/180 timers per second.” I thought it was 75/90 before brainwarp though?
9. Brainwarp increases refresh rate, reduces latency and decreases GPU demand for Pimax 8K.

I will put these all together when I have time.

[Vandalheart]

almost done, I hope they are actually just paying someone skilled to do this kind of thing but I thought I would put it up just in case they weren’t gonna have someone look over their final kickstarter draft. I know their website isn’t great and I haven’t seen much in the way marketing and translation so I thought it would be a good way to kill a few hours. not only that but they have errors in their pictures, not just the text and that is disheartening. plus it’s that same look of made in illustrator in 2 minutes like their old website.

The 8K VR headset is just a starting point for DIY enthusiasts. With modular design in mind, we made Pimax 8K an extendable device that not only works with your current accessories, but also new technologies. e.g. hand motion, inside-out tracking, wireless, eye tracking, etc.

Probably should avoid DIY, e.g and etc. Just is also pretty plain. Instead focus on what it offers.

The 8K VR headset offers full customization for enthusiasts. The Pimax 8K works with currently available accessories and it’s modular design allows for the easy implementation of new technologies such as hand tracking, inside out tracking, wireless capabilities, eye tracking and more.

[Heliosurge]

Awesome post! I’ve added several @ pimax team members to your first post to draw their attention to your topic!

[Vandalheart]

In this photograph.

First line,
use cases is a bit ambiguous and not something most non-dev english speakers may immediately understand. I’d suggest something more straightforward but something that also catches the eye. Try limitless applications or endless applications. If that is too cheesy for you, then I’d suggest something more along the lines of For Business and Home or, Redefining VR or some crap. Anything but Use Cases really, I know that devs will instantly know what that means but I asked my girfriend and she thought it was about the actual cases the headset would be housed in.

Home entertainment
There are two typos, no space before Ideal and no space between genressuch. It could just be a format issue.
As far as style goes, a gamer’s dream is a bit weak. I’d say that it’s perfect or ideal for gaming. I don’t think you need to mention genres, I think it’s worse to mention just one genre. It’s better to keep these pictures simple, a lot people will scroll through and only look at and read them and decide if they want to read more based entirely off them and the kickstarter video. try “Pimax 8K VR is perfect for gaming. An enhanced FOV and resolution provide an unparalleled gaming experience.” Again, don’t hyphenate to fit format, reformat for flow.

Second line.
You can view 2D/3D/VR content from a library of thousands, and with reduced latency and eye-fatigue measures, immerse yourself in movie content for up to two hours at a time.

You aren’t offering a library of thousands, so it’s best not to mention it. Better to just say that it watches all formats. This two hours at a time seems arbitrary and it’s better to leave it open ended anyway. Instead focusing on how it allows you to stay in VR longer, more comfortably. also it sounds like you said reduced eye-fatigue measures, which is the opposite of what people want. It’s also a run-on sentence.

So my rewrite. “Experience any 2D/3D/VR content with reduced latency and eye-fatigue. Immerse yourself for longer and more comfortably than ever before.”

Training
Create and experience or create experiences, oreven space. I don’t think it’s entirely feasible that this will be used for training anytime soon but why not.
Rewritten
“Create and experience hyper-realistic training simulations of any scenario: sports, medicine or even space!” I would actually say cut the sports medicine or even space. It’s best to leave things open ended. If you wanted to to expand you should tailor more to business. Saying how it will give hands on experience and solidify understanding or something like that. That requires some market research I don’t have. If forced to make a write up day of. I would just say …of any scenario. Expediently instill stronger confidence and a more intuitive and memorable understanding within a controlled environment. or some crap like that. idk what businesses actually want out of vr though. I think the most popular application of vr in business is actually for like drilling oil wells and fracking and stuff like that. This kind of display wouldn’t catch their attention I don’t think. They also are probably getting sucked up by starvr live right now.

Third line
Escapism. Honestly this whole part seems a bit tacky and if I was making this kickstarter, I Would just take it out everything after experience the extraordinary at it’s most real. Problem is, then it becomes redundant so perhaps the whole thing should be removed. Even in concept escapism is what home entertainment and gaming would be achieving. This kind of phrasing would be better served as subtext below a title card for these photos.

?
just rewrite, a spelling mistake and style choice
Develop and design your own experiences and modifications to realize the fullest potential of your VR lifestyle/products/experience.
I edited this after writing it. I’m not happy with it. My second idea would be
“Add personalized modifications to existing content or create your own customized content!”
I think it’s best to leave out the full potential full specs, it invites the question that some content might not be full specs and full potential. It should be an enhancing feature not something that brings it up even.

I think the best way to design it would be to have the first line be only the whole title, maybe with subtext and then group gaming and home entertainment together in the second line and then put training and the question mark into the last line.

[Vandalheart]

Thanks Helios! I’m just gonna use this as the next panel of edits. I skipped some stuff and that is because I think it was fine like it is.

Pimax was dreamed up in Shanghai and Silicon Valley. We are a group of developers that have decades of experiences1 in smart devices, including many years experiences1 in VR headset R&D and manufacturing. On top of that,2 we are addicted gamers.

We are motivated to create 4K headset to eliminate the screen-door effect. The incentive for us to develop Pimax 8K is that we wanna use peripheral vision to detect enemies in VR.

1 experience not experiences
2 just say and we are addicted gamers. it doesn’t need to stand alone

We created Pimax 4k headset to eliminate the screen door effect. We created Pimax 8K to remove the binoculars. This sounds too formal but what you have said sounds too informal. I think you should try to walk a line here.
this is pretty highly stylistic but you definitely shouldn’t say you created 8k for yourselves, illustrate that you’re all just as excited as we are but just always assume that everything you say in marketing is taken at face value, out of context.

[jonnypanic]

Thing is, will Pimax use these? Don’t mean to criticise your work at all, you have put a huge amount of effort in. I’ve talked to them about it before, they use a third party company for localization. By all accounts that company does an awful job. It would be great if they use your work, but I expect they will carry on as before. Several people have mention this.

[Vandalheart]

It’s pretty bad, I just want to make sure the kickstarter is a success. I’m not going to do their website, they can pay someone to do that, this is just charity work, they can take it or leave it but hopefully for my sake and my need for this headset, they take it. I’m hoping if they see that I spent a few hours doing it for no reason other than I want to see them succeed that will be sincere enough to get them to realize it’s important. Truly I’m really hoping this is just a bad draft and they are going to finalize it on their own and all this is just unwarranted worrying. I mean they say The incentive for us to develop Pimax 8K is that we wanna use peripheral vision to detect enemies in VR.

Like I was going to post the kickstarter on reddit all this week prior to the launch but I don’t want to right now because I’m afraid of showing reddit what it looks like. then in the future they just look over anything that says pimax.

[Vandalheart]

Thankfully manufacturing is not an issue, as we have delivered over 30K Pimax 4K headsets globally in half a year. For our Pimax 8K, we will use the Fresnel lens (2nd generation) without any supply issue.

This does not go in the Risks and Challenges section. I also suggest you don’t say risk and only say challenges to overcome or something or just challenges. it should also be reworded for ease and clarity.

“We have delivered over 30K Pimax 4K headsets globally in half a year. For our Pimax 8K, we will use the Fresnel lens (2nd generation) without any supply issue.” This should go directly above a lighter option in my opinion. It should be near the top, giving you a very real image of success, and you award from CES should go up a bit higher too, or it should go lower with a short info panel about pimax. Regardless, don’t say thankfully manufacturing is not a problem. This is again too informal and that makes it stick out and create a bad image.

[Vandalheart]

We want to drive VR towards the direction of big FOV and high resolution. By launching on Kickstarter, the base camp of passionate and creative folks, we can shape Pimax 8K based on your feedback and deliver it to you faster.

Not only do we value the input of you early adopters, but for the developers amongst you - we want to make sure we are tailoring a headset to your specific needs in terms of enhancing the VR experiences you create.

avoid simple descriptors if you can, big, nice, new. I suggest Natural human fov and realistic resolution. probably say people instead of folks unless you want to sound like a hillbilly. We can design pimax 8K with community feedback and manufacture and ship them more quickly.

you value the input of all your customers not just you early adopters, Say not only do we value the feedback of our community. Amongst is not a word. that - is where a comma should be. Rewrite the whole thing to
“We value the input of our community and we want to ensure we are tailoring our headset to the specific needs of our users and developers in terms of enhancing the VR experiences they enjoy and create.”

That should be everything just gonna be proof reading this now and when I’m done I’ll throw them all together in order and written up, not gonna do the pictures unless pimax would like to send me the resources.

[Vandalheart]

VR through your eyes, not through binoculars

Pimax 8K is a virtual reality device designed for VR futurists. Pimax 8K will allow the user to view VR unobstructed by the bordering frame of the headset with a resolution so sharp, they will be unable to discern individual pixels.

We have doubled the field-of-view(FOV) of standard VR headsets to 200° and increased the standard resolution from 1080x1200 to 3840x2160 per eye while implementing measures that eliminate motion sickness, a common side-effect associated with prolonged exposure to a virtual environment.

Pimax 8K VR was designed to support all currently available mainstream content, including SteamVR, with the largest FOV and highest resolution currently available while maintaining less than 15ms latency.

Photograph edits.

Pimax introduced the first ever 4K VR headset only (however long ago). We’ve utilized public feedback to identify and refine elements from our 4K model to eliminate ghosting and brightness issues and redefine High Quality Virtual Reality with the first ever 8K VR headset.

Pimax 8K has a 200° FOV which is closer to the natural human FOV of 220° than any other headset on the market. This enables users to utilize their peripheral vision to navigate virtual reality instead of having to move their head, creating a more intuitive experience and drastically increasing immersion.

We’ve addressed one of the key visual shortcomings of VR technology, the “screen door effect”. This is where users can see the fine lines between pixels, decreasing immersion and the quality of their experience in VR. Pimax 8K will enable you to completely immerse yourself with perfect clarity, not through binoculars or through a screen door but through your own two eyes and two 3840x2160 resolution displays

For input signals less than 8K, Pimax 8K will upscale them to 8K resolution with a specially designed video processing module in the headset.

A brighter Option(?)
Alongside the 8K model we are offering (an exlusive 5K version for kickstarter supporters?)(a 5K OLED model?)

honestly I can’t rewrite this there just isn’t enough information.This needs to be completely redone, it cannot be saved as it is by me. More information must be supplied.

Brainwarp technology

Brainwarp renders and displays images in a sequence so that only one eye is being displayed a 4K image at any time. Pimax 8K renders a single 4k image at 150/180 times per second but users perceive a complete 8k image at 150/180 timers per second.

Brainwarp increases refresh rate, reduces latency and decreases GPU load.

You have to give more information this sounds like some too good to be true stuff, no one really understands it here on the forums that I can tell.

Pimax 8K offers full customization for enthusiasts. The Pimax 8K works with currently available accessories and it’s modular design allows for the easy implementation of new technologies such as hand tracking, inside out tracking, wireless capabilities, eye tracking and more.

again second photograph fix

Pimax 8K SDK integrates with Unity and Unreal Engine, and supports C++ API, and will help you discover the true potential of your existing content. Furthermore, we’ve opened the 8K device driver SDK and HDK for you to develop new accessories. The Pimax team is excited to offer support in the form of digital tutorials, an active forum, and Skype/email interactions.

Developing with Pimax 8K allows you to:

The user scenarios of VR are still limited, let’s work together to explore the outer edges of VR experiences!

The Pimax dream started in Shanghai and Silicon Valley. We are a group of developers that have decades of experience in smart devices, including many years of experience in VR headset R&D and manufacturing. We are also avid gamers.

We have delivered over 30,000 Pimax 4K headsets globally in the last six months.
We created the 4K headset to eliminate the screen-door effect. Now, we have developed Pimax 8K to eliminate the binocular effect.

For our Pimax 8K, we will use second generation Fresnel lens. this should definitely go somewhere, but not here. perhaps in your specs?

We want to lead VR towards natural human FOV and life-like resolution. By launching on Kickstarter, the home of passionate and creative people, we can design Pimax 8K with community feedback and expedite the process of manufacturing and shipping.

We value the input of our community and we want to ensure our headset is tailored to the specific needs of our users and developers in terms of enhancing the VR experiences they enjoy and create.

I’m an ex-army aviation UAV guy and I can assure you that unless it’s wireless it’s going to have a hard time flying. that cord is going to be heavy at any real altitude. not that wireless is any less problematic. It’s just the kind of thing that poses far too many logistical problems at present.

Challenges
We are in the stages of finalizing our solution for positional tracking and this may delay the shipping time of rewards that include it. To overcome this we have offered multiple positional tracking options and we are seeking support and partnerships.

feedback? did I make any typos correcting typos? I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d do this in bed. send me the resources and I’ll make you better pictures. this is better than what you have but it’s not ideal. still holding out hope this was a waste of time and you have a better writer/marketer designing this for you and that page is just a first draft, a bad outline. Idk though I have seen no evidence of competence from your marketing team, at least on the english side of things.

[deletedpimaxrep1]

Thanks a lot!!! We will improve the website copywriting for sure. for the campaign page, we will make an update before launch.

[Vandalheart]

You should build a FAQ with the help of your informed forum members. They all have piercing questions and it feels like you waste a lot of time answering them multiple times. Consolidate all of these question threads into a single megathread, and ask that all further questions be directed there. Offer full and in-depth replies to the best of your ability and keep it updated. When the kickstarter launches you should review it and add a link to it, or just add it directly to your kickstarter.

[Heliosurge]

A good idea. I would say include a faq in the piplay download…

Hmmm you have an interesting idea. What if Pimax team where to improve the help in Piplay to link to a master forum topic that has links to Closed topics compiled of users & support solutions. On top of built in help.

I knoww one issue with forums in general is most start new topics instead of using sesrch function

[deletedpimaxrep1]

We have an FAQ already, will put them on Kickstarter next week when it goes live ; )

[aesopfabled]

@deletedpimaxrep1 As a native English speaker and a well versed consumer, I would use all the corrections on this page. What this person has done is make the information you’ve provided on the Kickstarter page more fluent and easy to understand. Most importantly it generally makes people feel less uneasy about an overseas product. Keep up the great work!

[Skindred]

I agree, broken English really deters Westerns consumers (because if their use of English, an “easy” language, is poor, how good can their product actually be?).

Also thinking it’s a real shame that none of the engineers speak English.
It would be very wise to have them take a course.
It will broaden their world views and will bridge the gap that westerners feel with PiMax.

Also the English of your CEO is so broken that interviewers misunderstand what he says and he in turn misinterprets their questions.
At IFA there was an interview with Into Tomorrow.
Just view it and you’ll see what I mean.

IFA 2017: Pimax | Into Tomorrow

@deletedpimaxrep1 don’t be afraid to politely tell your boss this.
Investing in this area will give great returns as a Chinese company really needs to earn the trust of the capital rich Westerners, which I believe is the target audience for PiMax.